Creating Baby Loss Memories

“Those we have held in our arms for a little while,
we hold in our hearts forever”
Anonymous

As we understand how important physical items are, we offer the Active Parenting & Tangible Memory Making  Service.  Members of our team come to the hospital and help you to make memories that you can hold on to forever. This free service consists of  helping with parenting your baby e.g. bathing, dressing, taking hand/footprints, photos and choosing little teddies and charms for you and your baby. Hand and  foot moulds are taken which are made into castings. These are then framed, mounted on granite and freestanding ready for collection from Baby Loss House.

Parents are more than welcome (and in fact we encourage it) to be involved in this service.  However if you feel you do not want this, we can complete the memory making in the bereavement room for you.  To book in your castings please just call us – 0800 726374 or 0278726901.  See below for some testimonials from families who have received this service.

Our Care Bags are given to families whose baby dies from 12 weeks gestation - a year following full term.  They include an Inkless hand/footprint kit, candle, ‘In Loving Memory Of ‘ card, 2 panda bears, ‘Special Memories’ booklet, Tissues, Certificate of life, Memory box, Butterfly, Angel Key ring, Footprint ribbon pin, Pepe Ngaro, Angel charm seed card and bookmark.

Our Early Loss Packs are available for parents  whose baby dies any time up to 12 weeks gestation. Contents vary with time for these. They can include a teddy bear, an angel pin, bubbles, candle, key ring and wristband.

 

Sometimes it is known beforehand that a baby will die so we have included some memory making ideas for this time as well as after baby is born.

 

During Pregnancy

A body cast – this is a fairly inexpensive way to create an exact mould of your pregnant tummy. You can generally find DIY kits on Trade Me

Scan pictures – the first photos of your baby. These can be 2D, 3D or 4D and can also be made into a DVD

A special trip – you can take your baby to the beach, a waterfall, watch a sunset, lie under the stars, visit the zoo, attend a concert or show etc. Remember to take photos of your self as a reminder of some special times spent while your baby is still alive inside.

A Journal – this can be written in as a daily diary or letters to your baby. Anything you would like to write down – feelings, messages, wants and wishes. Photos can be added with descriptions of where you are, who you are with etc.

 Once baby is born

Photos – these can be taken during labour as well as after birth. Try to get as many pictures as possible. Take pictures of your baby’s features – a nose, lips, hands, feet, bottom, back, tummy, hair etc. Take photos of your baby dressed as well as undressed and if it feels right to you, have family members hold your baby and take pictures of this. Maybe you would like to have photos taken of you bathing your baby. These next few days are the only time you have to create your photo album that you can look at for years to come. It is better to have too many photos than not enough.  The charity Heartfelt provide a free photograph session for bereaved families.

Hand and foot prints – Inside our Care Bags you will find an inkless hand and footprint kit for taking these special prints. Hospital staff or one of our volunteers if you have called us, can help you with this should you wish. Again, many hand/foot prints can be taken or alternatively, the originals can be photocopied for use in memory booklets, photo albums etc.

Casts – we want all parents to have the opportunity to hold something tangible.  One of our services is the Active Parenting and Tangible Memory Making Service (see above). This service includes castings, prints and photos at no charge. This service is currently available for families coming through Middlemore, Auckland and Starship hospitals.  We hope to extend this to all areas eventually.   Simply ring us 0800 726374 or 0278726901  and ask for Sarah who will then arrange a time. The best time for casts to be taken is soon after birth so we encourage you to contact us to arrange a time as soon as possible.    Babies as young as 8 weeks gestation have been cast, so please do not hesitate to contact us whatever age your baby is.

Baby items to keep – anything that has come into contact with your baby can be something to treasure and keep in your memory box. Things like cutting a lock of hair, your baby’s hospital name band, cot card, umbilical cord clamp, any clothes your baby may have worn, a nappy or a blanket.

Teddy bear – our care bags contain 2 panda bears. One can be placed with baby during the time before the funeral and the other can be carried round by mum and dad, touching their skin. When baby is placed in the casket for burial, you can swap over the teddy bears so mum/dad have the teddy which has been close to baby and vice versa.

A Locket – having a locket with two pieces that fit together means that your baby can wear one half and you can wear the other.

A name plaque – Glover Memorials provide free plaques for families whose baby has died. These are a beautiful keepsake with your baby’s name and date inscribed.  Click on ‘community Care’ and then on ‘Sands’ for more details and pictures of some already donated to families.

Certificates – our care bags contain a certificate of life for you to frame. If your baby was born after 20 completed weeks of life or weighed more than 400g or was born alive, you can apply for a birth certificate from Births Deaths & Marriages

Huggable Hearts - a free service that provides grieving families who have lost a baby with a fabric heart made to their angels birth weight.

 In years to come

Plant a tree – when choosing a tree for your baby it may be worth thinking ahead if there is a chance you may move house. If you would want your tree to always be with you you can choose something that can be potted in the garden. That way it is always moveable.

Mark anniversaries – birth, death and due dates can be difficult times for parents. Marking these dates can help you to feel connected to your baby. A birthday cake, releasing a balloon, a butterfly release, naming a star, or a trip to somewhere special you went when you were still pregnant are some ways in which you can mark the day.

Hold a memorial service – this can be held at any time, for a baby of any age. If your baby died in early pregnancy or even years ago, maybe you may like to think about what you would have wanted to share with your baby whether this be a favorite song or a letter to your baby. You may like to make a capsule and place special mementos for your baby and bury this in your garden. Be led by your heart and do what feels right for you.

Baby Loss Awareness Month runs through October every year.  This is another time when parents can come together to remember their baby – release balloons, attend a baby loss memorial service and other events put on by Baby Loss NZ.

 

 

When we lost our son Arthur last year it felt like our world had fallen apart, with so many dreams lost and broken hearts. In a moment like that knowing how to make memories that will keep the memory of your baby alive and allow you to grieve was unknown to us. The memory making services provided by Baby Loss NZ was our lifesaver enabling us to create tangible memories that we could hold onto when we did not have our baby boy to take home. We are forever in the debt of Sarah and her team as they allowed us to create memories that we can hold onto always. We encourage you support their funding proposal so that other bereaved families can continue to be supported in creating lifelong memories. Ila and Tim Daniels

We would like to thank Baby Loss NZ from the bottom of our hearts for the memories you made for my husband, daughters and I, which will help us to remember our wee boy, Jacob. We were not prepared for the loss of Jacob. When we went into labour we were excited at the imminent arrival of our precious son. Given a choice I would rather have my baby boy to hold and see grow, but the cruel twists of life left us without that dream. Your tangible memory making service gave us something of Jacob to hold for life. Had it not been for Baby Loss NZ giving us this gift, we would have been left with only the shock tainted, blurry memories of the day our son was born; and died. These castings, hand / foot prints and the photos you created for us, at a time when we were unable to do this (or even think to do this) for ourselves are now something we treasure, adore and can hold forever. I hope you can continue to offer this service to other families who are unfortunate enough to find themselves in a position to need them. What these memories mean to us, is immeasurable and I can only hope others may be able to find some comfort in the memories you create, as we have done. Thank you, Sandy & John Rothery.

I would like to thank Baby Loss NZ for the amazing things that they did for me at the toughest time of my life. 
When your life has just been turned upside down and you have all these questions been asked that you thought you would never need to think of answering. Where do you want the funerals, what flowers, cremation or burial?  The last thing on your mind is how am i going to make these memories last forever. Baby Loss NZ offers great support as well as a great service . I had not heard of them until the day i lost my baby at 39 weeks. Baby Loss NZ were right by my side, support to help answer all the difficult questions and were on call for when i had given birth so that they could be there soon to take castings of my angels hands and feet as we only have them for a short time before we say goodbye forever. I have no idea what i would have done without the support of Baby Loss NZ. They are a GREAT organization.   Briar Pope ( Mother of Angel Olivia )